150+ Text Messages to Send Your Ex Boyfriend or Girlfriend: Complete Guide for Every Situation

Last month, I watched my friend Sarah stare at her phone for twenty minutes, typing and deleting the same message to her ex. Sound familiar? Psychology Today reports that 88% of people have texted an ex, yet most struggle with finding the right words.

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Last month, I watched my friend Sarah stare at her phone for twenty minutes, typing and deleting the same message to her ex. Sound familiar? Psychology Today reports that 88% of people have texted an ex, yet most struggle with finding the right words.

The truth is, poorly crafted messages can slam doors that might otherwise stay open for friendship or reconciliation. Whether you're seeking closure, offering an apology, or hoping to rebuild something beautiful, the words you choose matter immensely.

I've compiled over 150 text messages for every common scenario with ex partners. These aren't generic templates—they're carefully crafted messages that respect boundaries while expressing your authentic feelings. From sincere apologies to friendship transitions, you'll find exactly what to say when words feel impossible to find.

Understanding When and Why to Text Your Ex

Before diving into specific messages, let's address the elephant in the room: should you even be texting your ex right now?

Experts recommend waiting at least 30 days after a breakup before initiating contact to allow emotional healing and gain clarity on your intentions.

Here are situations where texting might be appropriate:

• You've had time to process the breakup emotionally
• You have genuine, specific reasons for reaching out
• You can handle any response (or lack thereof) maturely
• You're not seeking validation or trying to "win" them back immediately
• There are practical matters that need addressing

Red flags that suggest you should wait longer include feeling desperate, wanting to "check if they miss you," or hoping one perfect message will fix everything. Your mental health comes first, always.

Apology Text Messages for Ex Partners

Sometimes we mess up badly enough that an apology becomes necessary for everyone's peace of mind.

Effective apology texts focus on taking full responsibility, expressing genuine remorse, and respecting the ex-partner's need for space without demanding responses.

Here are heartfelt apology messages that actually work:

• "I've been reflecting on our relationship, and I realize I hurt you deeply. I'm truly sorry for [specific behavior]. You deserved better, and I take full responsibility for my actions."
• "I know sorry doesn't undo the pain I caused, but I need you to know I recognize how my jealousy damaged what we had. I'm working on myself and genuinely regret hurting someone I cared about so much."
• "No excuses—I was wrong to [specific action]. I understand if you can't forgive me right now. I just wanted you to know I'm genuinely sorry and I'm learning from this mistake."
• "I've realized how selfish I was during our last few months together. You tried to communicate your needs, and I dismissed them. I'm sorry for not being the partner you deserved."
• "I know I have no right to ask for forgiveness, but I needed to apologize for how I handled our breakup. You deserved honesty and respect, not the confusion I put you through."

Tip: Consider sending a handwritten note alongside your text for more serious apologies—it shows extra thoughtfulness and effort.

Closure and Moving On Text Messages

Sometimes relationships end without proper goodbyes, leaving both people with unfinished emotional business.

Closure texts should focus on expressing gratitude, acknowledging growth, and wishing the ex-partner well without reopening old wounds or conflicts.

These messages help create peaceful endings:

• "I've been thinking about us lately, and despite how things ended, I'm grateful for the good times we shared. I learned so much about myself through our relationship. I genuinely hope you're doing well."
• "I know we didn't get a proper goodbye, so I wanted to say thank you for the laughter, adventures, and memories. You helped me grow in ways I'm still discovering. Wishing you all the happiness you deserve."
• "Our relationship taught me what I'm capable of loving and being loved. Even though we weren't meant to be forever, I'm thankful for the time we had. I hope life brings you everything you're looking for."
• "I realize I never properly thanked you for the ways you supported my dreams. You believed in me when I didn't believe in myself. That meant everything, and I wanted you to know."
• "I'm finally in a place where I can say this without any hidden agenda: thank you for the love we shared. It was real, it was beautiful, and I'm grateful it happened. Take care of yourself."

Reconciliation and Getting Back Together Messages

If you've done serious self-reflection and believe your relationship deserves another chance, these messages can open that conversation.

Reconciliation texts work best when they demonstrate genuine personal growth, address past issues honestly, and suggest taking things slowly rather than rushing back together.

Approach reconciliation with these thoughtful messages:

• "I've spent months working on the issues that contributed to our problems. I'm not the same person who hurt you, and I'd love the chance to show you that—if you're open to it. No pressure, just hope."
• "I understand why you ended things, and you were right to do it. I've been in therapy and have learned healthier ways to handle conflict. Would you be willing to talk about where we both are now?"
• "I miss what we had, but more importantly, I miss who I was becoming with your support. I've worked hard on my communication skills and would love to share that growth with you—if you're interested."
• "I know I have to earn back your trust, and I'm prepared to do that slowly and patiently. The work I've done on myself has shown me how much our relationship meant. Can we start with coffee?"
• "I don't want to go backward to what we were—I want to build something better with the lessons we've both learned. If there's any part of you that's curious about that possibility, I'm here."

Tip: Consider couples counseling services if they express interest in reconciliation—professional guidance can help rebuild stronger foundations.

Friendship After Breakup Text Messages

Transitioning from lovers to friends requires careful navigation and clear boundaries.

Successful friendship after breakup requires clear boundaries, mutual respect for new relationships, and time to heal before attempting platonic connection.

These messages help establish healthy post-breakup friendships:

• "I've been thinking that we made better friends than romantic partners. If you're open to it, I'd love to maintain a friendship—with clear boundaries and respect for whatever comes next in both our lives."
• "I miss your friendship more than anything. I know we need time and new boundaries, but I hope someday we can grab coffee and catch up like old friends. No romantic expectations, just genuine care."
• "You were my best friend before we dated, and losing that friendship has been the hardest part. When you're ready—no rush—I'd love to rebuild that platonic connection we had."
• "I saw something today that reminded me of our inside joke about [shared memory]. I hope you're doing well and that someday we can laugh together again as friends."
• "I wanted to reach out and say I'm genuinely happy about your new job! I know things are different between us now, but I still care about your success and happiness."

Holiday and Special Occasion Messages

Birthdays, holidays, and anniversaries can feel awkward after breakups, but sometimes a simple acknowledgment feels right.

Holiday messages to exes should be brief, friendly, and respectful, focusing on well-wishes rather than rekindling romantic feelings or rehashing the past.

Navigate special occasions with these appropriate messages:

• "Happy birthday! I hope your day is filled with all your favorite things and the people who matter most to you right now."
• "Merry Christmas! I hope you're surrounded by love and laughter today. Thinking of you fondly during the holidays."
• "I know today marks a year since we got together. While things are different now, I still think fondly of that day and the happiness we shared. Hope you're doing well."
• "Congratulations on your graduation! I always knew you'd achieve great things. Wishing you success in whatever comes next."
• "Saw that your mom is doing better after her surgery. I'm so relieved for your whole family. Sending positive thoughts your way."

Practical and Logistical Text Messages

Sometimes you need to communicate about shared responsibilities, belongings, or mutual commitments.

Practical messages with exes should remain business-like, focusing solely on logistics while maintaining politeness and avoiding emotional topics or personal commentary.

Handle logistics professionally with these messages:

• "Hi, I have some of your books and that sweater you left. Would this weekend work for you to pick them up? I can leave them with [mutual friend] if that's easier."
• "I need to update our shared Netflix account since the billing cycle is coming up. Can you set up your own account by Friday? Thanks for handling this smoothly."
• "Just confirming you'll pick up the kids at 6 PM on Sunday as discussed. They're excited to see you and have been talking about the zoo trip all week."
• "The landlord needs both our signatures on the lease termination. I can meet you at the office Tuesday at 2 PM if that works with your schedule."
• "I transferred my half of the security deposit to your account today. The receipt should show up in your email within 24 hours."

Emergency and Crisis Support Messages

When life hits hard, sometimes basic human compassion transcends relationship history.

Crisis support messages to exes should offer genuine help without expecting anything in return, respecting their support system while showing basic human compassion.

Offer appropriate support during difficult times:

• "I heard about your dad's passing. I'm so sorry for your loss. He was always kind to me, and I know how much he meant to you. If you need anything practical handled, please don't hesitate to ask."
• "I know we don't talk much anymore, but I heard you're going through a tough time with work. I'm thinking of you and hoping things improve soon. You're stronger than you know."
• "Saw the news about the flooding in your neighborhood. I hope you and your family are safe. If you need a place to stay temporarily or help with anything, please reach out."
• "I heard you're dealing with some health issues. I won't intrude, but I wanted you to know I'm sending positive thoughts your way. Take care of yourself."
• "I know your anxiety has been bad lately from what [mutual friend] mentioned. I remember how hard that was for you. Just wanted you to know someone is thinking of you and hoping you find peace."

Tip: Consider sending care packages with comfort items like tea, books, or cozy blankets when offering crisis support—actions often speak louder than words.

Messages to Avoid: What Not to Text Your Ex

Learning what NOT to say is just as important as crafting the perfect message.

Avoid texting exes when emotional, intoxicated, or seeking validation, as these messages often damage relationships further and hinder personal healing processes.

Never send these types of messages:

• "I'm drunk and miss you so much. Why did we throw away something so perfect? I can't stop thinking about your smile and the way you used to laugh at my stupid jokes."
• "I saw you with someone new on Instagram. I hope you know they'll never love you the way I did. You're making a huge mistake and you'll realize it eventually."
• "It's been three weeks since I texted you. The least you could do is respond and show some basic human decency. I deserve better than being ignored like this."
• "I told everyone at work about how you cheated on me. I hope you're happy with your reputation now. Maybe next time you'll think twice before hurting someone who loved you."
• "I'm only texting because my mom asked about you. She always liked you better than me anyway. Figured you'd want to know she's disappointed in how things ended."

These messages reek of desperation, manipulation, or revenge. They push people away permanently and make you look emotionally unstable. Research shows that aggressive post-breakup communication significantly reduces chances of future positive interaction.

Custom Message Creation Tips

While templates help, the most effective messages feel personal and authentic to your specific situation.

Here's how to craft messages that feel genuinely yours:

• Assess your true intentions: Are you seeking closure, friendship, reconciliation, or just validation? Be honest with yourself before typing anything.
• Match your tone to your history: A three-year relationship deserves different language than a three-month fling. Consider your shared communication style.
• Time it appropriately: Avoid major holidays, late nights, or times when they're likely stressed. Tuesday through Thursday afternoons often work best.
• Keep it concise: Respect their time and attention. Most effective messages are under 160 characters—about the length of an old-school text.
• Respect their response style: If they typically take days to respond, don't expect immediate replies. If they prefer calls over texts, consider that preference.
• Proofread for emotional undertones: Read your message aloud. Does it sound desperate, angry, or manipulative? If so, wait and revise when you're calmer.

Remember, the goal isn't to craft the perfect message that changes everything. It's to communicate authentically while respecting boundaries and promoting healing for both people involved.

Your ex will appreciate honesty over cleverness, respect over persistence, and genuine care over emotional manipulation. Trust that the right words, sent with the right intentions, will find their way to the right reception.

Conclusion

Communicating with an ex partner doesn't have to feel like navigating a minefield. With the right words, appropriate timing, and genuine intentions, you can express yourself while respecting boundaries and promoting healing.

Remember that successful post-breakup communication focuses on personal growth rather than changing their mind. Choose messages that align with your authentic feelings and their clearly expressed boundaries. The goal is always mutual respect and emotional health.

Feel free to adapt these messages to fit your unique situation and relationship history. What matters most is that your words come from a place of genuine care rather than hidden agendas or emotional manipulation.

Legal reminder: Always respect no-contact orders, explicit requests for no communication, and follow applicable texting laws including opt-out requirements where mandated.

How long should I wait before texting my ex after a breakup?

Experts recommend waiting at least 30 days to allow emotional healing and gain clarity on your true intentions before reaching out.

What should I do if my ex doesn't respond to my text?

Respect their silence as an answer. Don't send follow-up messages demanding responses—this pushes people away and appears desperate or manipulative.

Is it appropriate to text an ex happy birthday?

A brief, friendly birthday message is generally acceptable if you ended on decent terms and respect their boundaries.

Should I apologize to my ex via text or in person?

For serious apologies, face-to-face conversation is ideal, but text works if they've requested no in-person contact or distance makes meeting impossible.

Can texting an ex help us get back together?

Thoughtful messages can open communication, but reconciliation requires mutual desire, demonstrated growth, and addressing the original relationship issues that caused the breakup.